Maybe I Should Try Giving Up
"Have you considered doing everyone a favor and killing yourself?"
You Cannot Take This Away From Me Anymore
"So, you said that you've experienced childhood trauma, right? It doesn't seem like it comes from your home, though, because as far as I've understood it, you're relatively close with your parents. So what do you mean when you say 'childhood trauma'?"
The Hurt Once Caused Is The Hurt Of Every Single Day After Today
Trauma survivors are often called things like 'dwellers' by people who don't understand what having mental trauma actually means. "Don't dwell on the past, you should focus on the present!" "I mean yeah, the fact that that happened to you sucks, but why are you so focused on something that is in the past? You can't change it." You know those sentences, you've heard them hundreds of times. The idea that you could still be hurting because of something that happened to you years ago is very foreign to people who've had the fortune of not having to deal with immense amounts of trauma in their childhood. But for some reason, these are also the people who claim to know the most about your situation.
But Who's To Blame?
The world is unjust, we all know that – especially those of us who've had to suffer more than most people. It is really hard to find justice in a world that is so divided, polarized, filled with so much evil and malice. But sometimes, that is not good enough of a reason for us. Sometimes we need more than that, a guilty party, someone to put the blame on.
"Sometimes, Bullying Is Okay"
You're on Instagram, mindlessly scrolling down your Explore page without really focusing on anything you're seeing on the screen. Until, when one of those TikTok rip-off reels somehow succeeds at capturing your attention. You click the video open. There's a young teenager, filming themself with their phone. They're wearing some type of cosplay costume, they've done their makeup, they even have a wig on. The kid is smiling, they look really happy. They step away from the camera so that you can see the entire costume they're wearing. They twirl around, making the poor quality skirt fly in the air. The kid faces the camera again, puffs their cheeks and does a cat-like pose with their hands.
Language Matters
The role language plays in my life has always been a bit bigger than the average Joe's. My passion for language started as soon as I learned how to read, which happened at a very young age because my parents were both Finnish and literature teachers and massive bookworms. Reading was something we all did a lot in my family, and my parents always had at least one book that they were reading at that time. Hundreds of books, huge bookcases...I was brought up in an environment where stories and language were constantly visible in my everyday life.
Learning To Accept The Role Of A Victim
It took me a really long time to figure out what was wrong with me. For several years, I've had a constant nagging feeling that something's bothering me, something's hurting me, but it was really hard to pinpoint the origin of that feeling or what it even meant. Since the year 2017, I've experienced a variation of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and unexplainable terror. I tried thinking back on my past and figure out of that had anything to do with the way I was feeling, but I wasn't able to make a connection between the two for one very specific reason.