Spread Thin
How much pain does one human being have to endure in their life for it to be considered "too much"? When is it justifiable for that person to give up and not want to keep fighting anymore? Why is it that some people in this world are forever cursed with the worst kind of luck, with the worst kind of pain, and then just expected to keep going like it's nobody's business?
My body has been rebelling against me big time recently. That is one of the reasons I haven't been able to work as regularly as I'd like to, both in terms of art and writing blog posts. It actually physically pains me to see that the last time I was active on this blog was in early July, and now we are already done with the first week of August. Sometimes it is really had to be forgiving of yourself, even though you know that the reason for lack of work is, without a doubt, extremely valid. I guess it's a combination of my own attitude and the general misunderstanding of my condition on a wider scale.
Chronic pain is very undermined, both in the medical world as well as among regular folks. It has always been extremely baffling to me why that is, because I am sure we all have experienced some type of pain in our lives, and therefore we should know how crippling and overwhelming it can get sometimes. Those of us with vulvas and uteruses know how bad period cramps can be, and some of us are completely bed-ridden during that time of the month – almost exclusively because of the pain. And those who have had cavities in our teeth know how unbearable the pain becomes each time you try to eat something. So why is it that people who suffer from chronic pain – meaning pain that is always there to some extent – are not taken seriously or even listened to in our daily struggles?
when is it enough?
Invisible disabilities are subjected to ableism far more often than visible ones. When it comes to chronic pain, an outsider typically cannot detect it from the person affected by it, at least based on physical characteristics. In my personal reflection, I have come to the conclusion that this degrading and invalidating attitude towards us with chronic pain is really just a result of the inherent ableism in our society – especially for the disabled whose illnesses are not easily noticeable. Because we could all be "faking it", right? There is no way to prove that we are speaking the truth, and just our word for it is not credible enough. Why? Because society does not value the words of those with unfortunate living situations.
There have been times when I have literally been forced to stay in bed all day because I have not been able to walk even around my tiny studio apartment. I have had to call my parents to bring me food to my bed because I just couldn't stand up and go to the kitchen. Going to the bathroom was so painful I was in tears while walking those agonizing 10 meters from my bed to the toilet. But still, somehow, I am not sick enough. But still, I am not disabled enough to be taken seriously, to be listened to, to have my voice amplified by those who are in more fortunate situations.
Sometimes I wish I couldn't walk at all.
Stretching,
ichigonya
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