Leaving
The days go by, one after the other, and you can't recognize the passage of time anymore. Until one morning, after breakfast, your nurse steps into your room.
"The doctor wants to see you today after lunch. He's assessing your current status and whether you can be discharged soon."
Wondering
Being admitted to a psychiatric facility once is enough of a troubling and traumatic experience. Especially if your stay gets prolonged, ranging from several months to over a year, the ward will most likely become a place you never want to find yourself in ever again. And for those who get the proper help they need on their first and longer ward period, there might not ever be a reason to go back – and that is always the end goal.
Waking
I have never been a morning person. I don't like waking up early for no apparent reason: to me, there needs to be at least a somewhat relevant motivation for me to get out of bed before the clock strikes 9 am. For the longest time, I had that motivator in the form of school schedules and uni lectures. But as years have gone by, as I have gotten even sicker and sicker, those reasons quietly exited my life and left me without much of a trace. This, in turn, made it possible for me to stay up ridiculously late and wake up to eat my "breakfast" at 2 pm. That used to be my very normal lifestyle, with a sleeping pattern so horrifying that people around me almost started to worry for me, no matter how much I tried to justify it with "my creative juices flowing the best at the wee hours". To everyone else, it looked like a very unhealthy way of life, while I was none the wiser. And as much as I love working when everyone else is fast asleep, I do have to admit one thing.
They Should Have Just...
As a literature major, I know that meta text is very often frowned upon, and it is commonly not considered an effective way of narrating nor making an impression on the reader. Especially text about the process of creating the text is very bad and should always be avoided. It very rarely offers any important insight or serves a significant role in the context of the text, so all writers are told to stay away from it.
Selfish When Alive, Free When Dead
I haven't been doing that well recently. I don't think there's any specific reason for it, other than maybe the stress of moving and living in a new apartment completely on my own kind of got to me in a way. But nothing has happened that would've made me upset; I've just been hurting a bit more than normally. I guess it comes with the illness – ebbs and flows seemingly without reason.
" We Never Wanted You Here"
On the first day of fourth grade, I got greeted with about a dozen of girls from my class. They noticed me right away when I stepped into the doorframe. Their faces turned into looks of disgust and horror, and they all approached me as a group.
How Long Can I Take This?
At times, I wonder if anyone else in this world suddenly finds themself utterly exhausted for no apparent reason. It baffles me how people can just keep going on, day after day, doing the same old things, taking a shower, eating, going to the bathroom, going to sleep, and repeat it all the next day. Sometimes I just can't help but feel like there is no purpose for any of this. Why should I wake up, brush my teeth, wash my hair, eat my breakfast? What difference does it make? Would it even matter if I just one day decided not to do those things anymore? Just because I'm tired of it all.