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You Were An Easy Target
Victims of all kinds have always had to defend their status as victims. They've always had to fight for the right to declare that they were wronged by other people, with no justification. Oftentimes, it is particularly those people that have not experienced any form of abuse who feel the most strongly about the victim label: no one becomes a victim for no reason, which means you must have done something to deserve it, or at the very least, to instigate the abuse!
Don't Worry, This Is A Loving Punch
Violence is never an act of love. It's a myth that we have been force-fed, especially women and female-presenting people. That the reason that boy is being mean to you is that he just likes you. We've been conditioned to expect violent behavior out of the people closest to us. Almost everyone has some type of experience this with this, I'm pretty sure.
I'll Be of Your Service!
When you were a child, did you have an imaginary friend? Someone completely fictitious that you had created in your mind to keep you company? Kids are extremely creative and they have a wild imagination, and imaginary friends are one manifestation of that creativity. It is all part of the play of pretend, which used to be my favorite kind of play.
Out Of My Own Body?
"So, what does it really feel like? Is it like some type of out-of-body experience?"
I Don't Know How To Feel Anymore
Dissociation leads me to the feeling of emptiness very often. People with BPD experience a chronic feeling of "emptiness", as if something is missing within themselves, a part of their soul is lost, and all you have left is the hollow empty feeling of a shell. This is a common struggle for myself, too, even without dissociation. But dissociation makes it easily ten times worse.
Life Update: A Happier Birthday
I can't remember what was the time I actually stopped feeling excited about my birthday. It must have happened somewhere after turning eighteen, because that was still a time when I was excitedly waiting for the day to arrive. But even then, my birthday has never been that good of a day for me – or happy, for that matter.
To Forget Is To Protect
Every time I talk about the daily abuse I was facing in my childhood and my parents are listening to me, they always say this one thing to me.
"If you had just told us how things were really like, we could have done so much more."
Funny Proportions And Ringing Ears
Your mind sometimes plays tricks on you. You see or hear things that aren't really there, and it can really freak you out at first. To a certain extent, sensory hallucinations are normal, because the human brain is so complex that we still don't fully understand its functionalities. Sometimes our brains just make us sense things that aren't real, and there's nothing more to it.
Control Slipping Through My Fingers
There are not a lot of feelings in this world I hate more than loss of control. My life has always been dictated and controlled by everyone else but me; things have just sort of happened to me, while I've been watching from the sidelines. It is an eerie feeling that leaves a deep pit in your stomach, no matter how much you try to ignore it. Eventually, you have to figure out something else to control, something that no one else but you is aware of you're even controlling.
Laugh It Out
Have you ever started laughing in situations where it is not socially acceptable? Something people really frown upon is laughing at funerals, I've heard. Accident scenes are also some of these happenings. What determines whether laughing is an acceptable reaction can be difficult to dissect, especially if you are neurodivergent in some way. Generally speaking, though, places and situations where laughing is considered rude and impolite are serious events and quiet areas. If there is nothing funny going on, you shouldn't be laughing. But what is considered funny, then? That varies from person to person; not everyone finds the same things funny. This is just one of the reasons why social norms are so confusing to me, but I think in time, I have learned to remember when it is appropriate to do certain things, like laugh. That in itself is a task for me.